It’s a crazy man’s world

I’m going to use my life experiences to help people so they know how to recognize psychopaths are among us. The bulk of them are not the killers you see on tv, KNOW THIS. The bulk of psychopaths are stealthy con artists who use you and anyone they can for their own personal gain no matter the cost. They lack empathy and imitate normal people emotions and facial expressions. Psychopaths are highly intelligent people and they may even downplay this to make you feel that you have the upper hand. Psychopaths are predatory people who prey on everyone around them. “It’s a control thing” as a psychopath told me.

Those with charisma attract people have a host of family and friends who have no idea that they are all being used as pawns. The moment one of those family members or friends does something that the psychopath doesn’t like, they’ll see the psycho’s true colors.

Those that are hysterical, usually female psychopaths, are not as charismatic so they may have family and friends who are not as close knit with them. People who know them tend to gravitate away from them because it is more obvious that this type of psycho only contacts you when he or she wants something. This kind of psychopath has driven those close to him or her away because they blow the smallest things completely out of proportion, hence the term hysterical personality.

Both types tend to be highly narcissistic (narcissistic personality disorder) or full of themselves and will debase others to make themselves feel better. The more narcissistic the psychopath the more openly he or she will pick at or joke on others. The less confident psychopath will resort to underhanded meanness such as smiling in your face while dissing you behind your back, trying to secretly taunt you, and lying to people about you to defame your character. The lies are used to make you seem crazy and so that the psychopath can fool others into believing that he or she is the victim. Unfortunately, others tend to blindly believe these lies rather than seeking out the truth for themselves; they too are being victimized and manipulated.

At the heart of a psychopath there is hate, fear, obsession, power, jealousy, and inadequacy. There is a thin line between love & hate and a thin line between hate and fear. Perverted love is obsession which can lead to hate. Extreme fear leads to an aversion of someone or something which causes a person to hate. Psychopaths are power hungry and always want to be number one so any attributes you have that challenge this will cause them to be extremely jealous of you. If you are more intelligent than him or if your weight management plans are more successful than hers the psychopath will be jealous and will hate you for it. Your success makes a psychopath feel inadequate and inferior so he or she hates you even more. Whereas a person with a healthy self image will use your success as an example and as encouragement to push harder.

Psychopaths are never happy for other people and will downplay your success even if you are family. For instance, if you start to use or sell a product and it really starts to work or catch on with others, the psychopath will publicly bash what you’re doing to attempt to hurt you. This is because the psychopath has incredibly low self esteem but they don’t want us to know that. As long as you feed their ego they will act nice towards you and even reward you for it. That’s right I said REWARD you like a master does to a good pet. They want to train you to be under their control. Recognize this! Healthy people encourage each other and they want the whole team to succeed. Hurt people hurt people and happy people help people!

Often times a psychopath will praise you or offer fake encouragement first then do or say the complete opposite of that. That serves to confuse and befuddle you so that you will doubt yourself when your brain starts to recognize that something is up. Your whole world becomes topsy turvy and you question everybody even those who mean you well. They try to turn you against people who can help you. When confronted the psychopath lashes out by using projection. He or she will blame you for ruining the relationship and accuse you of doing exactly what they are doing.

The best way to deal with a psychopath is to cut off ALL contact, ALL CONTACT. They usually get bored and move on to their next “toy”. But in extreme cases once he or she realizes that they can no longer control you they will resort to cyber bullying and cyber stalking. Cyber bullying is attacking you overtly or covertly through social media so as to embarrass you in front of others. Cyber stalking is using computer hacking skills to steal your passwords or watch your every move online and use it against you. Psychopaths have to resort to these tactics once you have made it clear that you will not accept their calls, texts, or any other advances they make.

Beyond this the psychopath may become even more emboldened and attempt to come by your house or job unannounced. He or she may even sit outside your house and watch you or use an accomplice to get close to you. He or she will even hire a person to date or court you just so they can control who you deal with. If they can’t have you no one else will so they sabotage your love life so you have none or make sure that it is not a real one.

Psychopaths are literally crazy and will go to the extreme to get what they want. Everything they do publicly is an act to boost only themselves. They may even scam their own church just to raise money for their own personal use. If you could be a fly on the wall or if you are someone whom they believe doesn’t know any better, you could see that they rarely smile when alone. The corners of their mouths are usually turned down even when they smile. If you catch them off guard you may notice their still or blank faces. They look through you not at you. They are amazing liars so pay attention to gestures and actions rather than their words. They have no conscience or control of their anger and this makes them volatile and dangerous. Break all ties if you can or do your best to limit contact if you have to deal with them.

I have experienced this and am still dealing with some of the sneaky little scams so I want y’all to be able to recognize the signs and become aware like I have. If there is a psychopath in your life who refuses to stay away from you get a restraining order. Nobody has the right to dominate you. They are not concerned with your well being so don’t worry about sending them to jail if you have to. This is a dangerous, evil person who will harm you directly or even the people closest to you just to regain your attention.

God gave us instincts so we can better protect ourselves, trust them!

Who’s the real fat bitch?

Guess what I just realized…you’re a fat bitch too.

You may call me a fat bitch because I am an overweight female. It used to bother me but I’ve learned that I don’t have to accept a label like that and that I can totally debunk that by making personal changes. I can keep living with the problem by wallowing in sadness and pitying myself and living in fear because my ego is so big that I’m afraid of failure that I won’t even try to make a change…or I can stop being such a prideful coward and put forth considerable effort. Though it seems hard the physical has been, is, and will always be the easiest thing to change about one’s self. It is up to me and I have to WANT to or it won’t happen.

Now I can see that you are the real fat bitch. Not physically, but mentally and we know that as a man thinketh so is he. You try to puff yourself up and say hurtful things to people to inflate your ego and make yourself feel bigger. So if your thinking is puffed up and inflated just so you can feel bigger than everyone else then by definition you are fat. You are hurtful because you are lonely and depressed yet you refuse to even try to make personal changes because you are afraid that you may fail. You won’t attempt to conquer your own fear because changing mentality is hard to do so by definition you are a bitch for letting your fear control you.

Mental constructs are way more difficult to break down as opposed to the physical. That’s understandable but what isn’t is how a fat bitch can have the audacity to call another person a fat bitch.

Let me put it like this…A homeless man knows better than to condemn another homeless man but if that other homeless man moves into an ugly, old house he will do just that. Why? Because now he is homeless and alone and rather than strive to change he will settle for bringing the other man down by picking at any fault he can find.

I will not allow my fears to control me without a fight. There’s nothing wrong with fighting for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid to do so as long you have the courage to try. I see through you false pretenses because I have had and still have some of my own but I am making an effort to knock them down. I’m telling you that you have my support and that I will continue to encourage you. Now you have to support and encourage yourself! You’re so busy trying to knock me down and out of the way that you’re not seeing that I am accepting you at your lowest. Do you realize that I see your weakness but I’m not trying to run away or debase you for it? I’m not trying to take advantage of you when you are not strong. I’m trying to help you be strong. With so many bad people out here trying push you down, why would you shut out somebody good who wants to lift you up? Does that really make sense to you? Fear is at the root of every emotion that allows you to do these things. Fear is what we make it. Fear is not tangible it is something that is constructed in the mind. Get out of your own way.

?????, I’m basically telling you that even though I know you are afraid I don’t think that you are less of a man. I’m telling you that I recognize some of your innermost fears and that I’m still trying to be here. I know you know a lot of people but do you know a lot of them willing to do that (outside of family which isn’t even guaranteed then) for you. I can understand if you just don’t want this kind of support from a “fat bitch” like me and if that’s the case then find a skinny bitch who will. For all the fat bitches you so called hate for nothing, you’ve been with twice as many skinny bitches who’ve actually done you dirty or ignored that there was a problem which only helps you make a mockery of yourself. Where’s the logic in that? I’ve always been genuine with you but if you prefer somebody fake then you are absolutely right, we can’t be friends because I won’t be fake for anybody.

I’m not going to settle for being a fat bitch anymore, will you?

I’m Excited

OMG! I spoke with one of my brothers today for a while and he was very supportive. He’s an EMT but he volunteers at different places that work with kids with disabilities. He said a lot of them seem different from me but others are actually quite similar. he contacted an ex of his who is working in the field of mental health and it turns out that her father does the same kind of work at our local jail. I’m going to call him tonight and we’ll discuss things and if nothing else he will point me in the right direction.

I have a lot of feedback and resources from specialists around the country to sort through as well. I am so excited! I really feel like things are moving in a direction for the better. I’m so thankful for my family because they have not ridiculed me. They’ve been nothing but supportive about my decision to seek help and possibly undergo testing. They’ve all told me that this is just the next big thing for us to work on and that we’re all in it together. 🙂


From l to r: Samaria #4, Bridney #2, Mama, Me #1, Keith #5, Joe #3….We often call ourselves by number like Codename: Kids Next Door lolol

When you feel like taking your life (suicide) after dating a sociopath or narcissist

Brought me to tears…I’m clawing my way out of the black hole too. I don’t want to just die; I will die trying.

Dating a Sociopath

 If you feel that you have lost ‘everything’ if you feel that there is nothing to go on for. Please do one thing – read this post before you attempt to take your life. Reading this post won’t take too much of your time. 

Ending of the sociopath relationship, can feel like a bereavement - go gentle on yourself. Ending of the sociopath relationship, can feel like a bereavement – go gentle on yourself.

Also watch this video: (Thank you for sharing It is done)

When I was at the lowest ebb of my life – I saw a message. I think it was on Facebook. The message simply said

You are never given more in this life, than what you can carry

I swallowed hard, and thought ‘what a joke’. My heart was broken. I was so traumatized, that the future was literally a white space. Worse, the person that I ached to be with was my daughter who was in heaven. I…

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Salmon in a Cherry Tomato & Cilantro curry

This looks amazing and I just bought some salmon so I can’t wait to make this. I’m excited!


Salmon curry with tomatoes

Happy Easter to you and your families! Hope you are all busy having a good time with the family.

I wanted to post about my salmon curry today, something different from your usual Easter menu, as you know I usually like to post different things than the usual holiday fare, so I can help you not be bored with eating the same type of meals for a long time. This salmon curry is prepared with Salmon Supremes, and as most you know it is just a cut of fish with no bones. I usually buy a fresh piece of a big fillet from Costco and cut the supremes myself, but you can always ask them to do that at the grocers, if you are not up to slicing the fish! I have attached a link for a youtube video on how to get the fillet just right.

I know…

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Nobody Backs Baby Into A Corner!

“Dr. B.

There is another issue I’m having that I think may be important to describe to you. I’ve learned that because I am so forthright and honest some people take advantage of that. I was confused for a long time but now I understand better why certain things happen over and over again. This is something I think I can work on so that I can realize the signs sooner of when I’m being taken advantage of.

There is a guy that I had been dealing with for almost 2 years who I now realize does not have my best interest at heart. I knew of him in middle school and back then when others picked at me he would yell out in the lunchroom “there goes my baby right there!” I thought he was stopping them from bothering me but looking back I think he would laugh at me too. He was just picking at me too. Well,  in 2012 he told everyone that he was going to Turkey and he needed help raising money. I wanted to help so I donated $300. Once I did that he became very affectionate and texted and called me everyday. We became friends or so I thought. I wrote to news station, churches, helped raise money, I set up interviews with the news papers and sister churches. I basically did everything. I did some of his school work because he said he was busy with work, and the Turkey thing and I basically helped him getting a Master’s Degree. Then I realized that he wasn’t working on it as hard as me and he would not do the interviews I had setup. I even talked to people at TeachOverseas for him. When I finally told him that I had to do my own work if he wasn’t going to be serious about it, he told me that he wasn’t going to Turkey because his lady preacher said it was a country of “unrest”. I found out that his preacher is not even a woman, Shiloh Baptist Church has a man preacher.

After that I backed away and didn’t talk to him as much so he started to call more often and sing to me on the phone that I made him happy. Unfortunately I fell back under his control and started helping him with his classwork again. That’s when I started telling him that I thought it was disrespectful that he would spew that he “hates fats” on social networks and that he would never be with a fat girl. He was nice when he talked to me but mean and rarely acknowledged me in front of everyone else via social networks. He combated that by saying I was different and that he did like and love me. He told me he was on the verge of getting kicked out of his apartment because he couldn’t pay rent so I paid that too. I bought him a smartphone for his birthday and he told me he lost that phone at a night club so I bought another one for his graduation. That’s when I noticed that he was talking to a lot of other women and he did display public affection for them on these social networks so red flags were going up in my head. When I confronted him about this he said ” I have a lot of hoes but I don’t f*ck them.” So I backed away again. It was calm for a while then he contacted me again saying that he missed me and that he wanted to help me lower my phone bill by getting on the family share plan with me and we would split the bill.

I foolishly agreed and once he got on the plan, he ended up not paying half. I paid the bulk and he only paid $60 a month for a Verizon smartphone. Once I realized that he was still being kinda mean and dismissive towards me I told him he should pay half or get off. That’s when he suggested that he needed a bank account so his part of the bill could be automatically paid. I set up his Bank of America account for free, pass-code, security key, and security questions. From that point he would have me pay his bills while he was at work because he was always so busy. I still was having doubts so I told him that I felt strongly for him and if he didn’t feel the same to just let me know. After that he pushed for us to hang out or he always wanted to come over. I was skeptical so I kept pushing it off. He even tried to get me to ride in the limousine with him for his graduation party but I think he knew very well that I was too shy to do that. He would pick at me slickly on social networks then try to make me feel bad or weird for not coming to his house to be around him and his friends.

In June of 2013, I moved to where I reside now…away from my mother. That’s when he got super persistent and insisted that he wanted to “chill” with me. I finally agreed and he picked me up in his car and rode me around town. I paid for gas but I noticed at the gas station that he wouldn’t get out of the car until a couple of guys who were at the pump in front of us had turned to leave. Those two guys looked in the car and they both smiled flirtatiously at me so he opened his door and just glared at them until they left. Then he pretended to be lost and took us down a dead end and showed me this yellow house that he said was awesome because it was far away from everybody. He told me he knew that I didn’t know where I was because I never leave the house. He was right. He told me told me that he was thinking about going to Georgia Tech and that he was accepted. he asked me if he should go so I said yes because it was a good opportunity. I later found out that that was a lie. He attends Albany Tech not Georgia Tech. After that he came over to my new home a lot and we became intimate. He even hung out with my family and friends there because he knows everybody and everybody knows him. Everyone seems to LOVE this guy. Then in July I lost my job and I didn’t hear from him as often, almost never.

Well, I started to get fed up because he was getting even more dismissive and he would ignore me purposely even after I told him that bothered me. He would say he was coming over and I’d be waiting then he’d never show. I told him that I thought he was using me and that he was no real friend of mine and that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I told him to pay the bill on his own, to do his own work, and manage his own bank account. We stopped talking for almost a week then he called me out of the blue and said he was dreaming of me and needed to see me. I told him that I missed him too but I didn’t want him to come over. He called back later and said he was on his way so I told him I was getting ready to leave and that we shouldn’t be friends because he treated me poorly. His response was that I think too much and that I should just enjoy the moment and that he was coming over anyway. He did just that and came over with no shirt on. I did a good thing this time and I had a friend of mine in my room with me when he got there so he ended up staying in the living room talking someone else then he got upset and said something came up so he had to leave. I didn’t care. I stopped talking to him for a week or two after that then he just popped up at my house again saying he came over to surprise me. He seemed to be telling the truth at first then 30 minutes after he got here he showed me that his phone was broken and that he needed another one. I was so confused and I started thinking that the visit was no surprise for me after all.

Unfortunately, I pushed my concerns aside yet again (Sheesh, Typhani!) and I ordered another phone for him though this time I made sure he paid for it. Maybe a week or so after that he emailed me and said that he didn’t care what I had going on but that he needed a paper to be written and that I needed to write it for him and he sent me the instructions. THAT PISSED ME OFF! I told him no and that he should NEVER order me to do anything. Everything I did before was me trying to help and be supportive but that doesn’t mean I will take orders. I still had no job and our phone bill was coming up. He asked me if he needed to get off of the plan because he needed a phone. I was hurt because he didn’t even acknowledge that my phone would be cut off too. Well, my mother and sister who were and still are on the plan with me helped me pay the bill. After that I wanted him off!

Verizon informed me that there was a $300 early contract termination fee so I was stuck. I told him to pay his part of the bill but not to contact me. He didn’t for a while but then I noticed he started back up with the fat girl jokes on social networking sites so I talked with Verizon again and found out that as the account manager I could suspend a line if I didn’t have the money to take it off. So I did that. Later that day me and my sister’s phone were suspended and when I looked at the account a fake account manager had been added under the name John Roberson and it was added to his phone line AND his phone was turned back on. Also, a $350 payment was taken out of my already low Bank of America account from Verizon the same day and international calling had been added to my plan. Because of that my Bank of America account was closed. I called Verizon and talked to a guy named Justin who helped me fix everything and change all passwords and Justin suspended the guy’s line again. I told him that I knew he did it and that Verizon knew something was up to. I begged him to just get off of my plan. For weeks he kept asking me how to do that but I had already told him numerous times. He just didn’t want to leave me alone. I was stuck again and I didn’t have the money to get him off the plan myself.

So finally the next bill came around and I told him that the phones would be cut off if he didn’t help and pay more than $60. He made it seem like he was going to pay the bill then he just flipped the script and said he’d only pay $80. I thanked him but I told him if he only did that the phone would still be off and he’d just lose $80 so he lied and said he didn’t have any money. Even though he knew that I could see in his bank account that he had plenty of money. So I kinda snapped a little bit and the next morning I told him that if he doesn’t make a move with 30 minutes I would pay the bill from his account myself. That made him so angry that he cursed me out and called me all kinds of names. I was bluffing but he couldn’t be sure and relented and paid $200. After that I told him to never contact me or my family again and that he was not welcome at my home around October 2013. After that he messaged me a few times saying that he thought I was pregnant but I’m sure that was his way of trying to keep in contact with me. He eventually got another phone with Verizon but left his old phone on my plan. Even now I’m still paying for 2 of his suspended lines.

Well I was so depressed and confused after all of this and I kind of just shut down. Everything was silent for a while and I eventually got a new job. I started losing weight and a lot of people were complimenting me. I became happier and it showed in person and via my social networks. Well, apparently that didn’t and doesn’t sit too well with him because he started slick dissing me again. He would post comments on Facebook and Twitter about how he hates fat people and how he treats his fat friend like ugly stepsisters. I am doing Body By Vi and now he makes posts via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram saying “f*ck Body By Vi” and saying you know that won’t work. He’s doing any and everything to break me down and discourage me just because I’m getting better without him. But again I doubted myself and I messaged him again yesterday and I explained to him that I know what’s going on with me now and that if I was mean to him I wasn’t trying to be. I accept fault for that because it was the wrong move again. This morning I saw another video he posted on Instagram. I will send it to you as well. This was my fault because I thought if I explained what might be going on with me he would get it. Nope, once he realized that he could contact me again he posted this taunt to Instagram. Here is the link to the video…

I’ve got it down pact now. I can no longer have any contact with this man. A few weeks ago when I was not contacting him both of their cars were fiddled with in some kind of way. First, my sister’s girlfriend’s car’s (lol) tires kept going flat even after she’d refill them with air. We woke up one morning to the tire being flat again and a note on her windshield saying “I’m gonna be home alone tonight. lol – Mr. Hair”. When we got the tire checked out there were 2 corkscrew parts from a utility knife that were in her tire. Then maybe 5 days later while we were sleeping someone had managed to push down two of my sister’s car windows that were rolled up. Now one of her windows doesn’t work. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me at first but now I don’t really know. I know that people know him because of his hair. He used to have dreadlocks but he has cut them off for his job at the Dougherty County Tax Assessor’s Office. He always talks about being apart of “corporate America”. I know that in 2012 I had four dreams about a tiger coming for me. The tiger ignored all the people that were right beside him and kept coming for me and there was an old native American man who kept telling me that “the tiger is here” I never understood those dreams and I had forgotten all about it until the incidents with the cars. In 2012 I talked about those dreams on my Twitter so everyone knew about them. I can tell you that he has set his background on twitter to a picture of a tiger biting the neck of what looks like a deer or a gazelle. I’ll show you that too…it is attached to this email. Image

However, it’s all made to look so coincidental. I’ve done my research and it said this is what would happen but I’m still shocked. Like, this is actually happening! WTF?? Isn’t he supposed to do the psycho thing and just forget about me by now? He is very intelligent and is known for being one of the cool nerds. When he deals with me though, I noticed that he would downplay his intelligence and I didn’t understand why.

This past Thursday after not talking to each other for months (since February), he sent me a Facebook message at 6:45am saying “I started to come get some head from you. So horny it’s crazy”. That’s the first thing he said to me in months. That seems awfully strange to me. I rejected him 2 hours later by telling him he should not be so assumptive and that I would pray for him. Then Sunday, I received calls from an (229) 854-6140 number but when I answer I am sent to voicemail. I had a friend call the number and a person answered I was a little bit shocked when she told me the person on the other end laughed and said his name was Robert but she said she knew that it was Perry’s voice. I don’t know what the hell is going on with that so I just blocked the number.

Dr. B, I think this could be a really bad man and I’ve finally learned a hard lesson but I’m wondering if you think this is over. Should I be worried? I’m not sure what else to do other than to stick to my guns and just avoid him at all costs. Personally, I think he’s a narcissistic psychopath but of course I can’t say that because people already think I’m weird and he his absolutely beloved so they wouldn’t believe me anyway. They think he is just joking but he is quite serious. He even says that he knows he is mean and shallow and that he knows people think he is just joking. He knows he has people fooled…except for me. He knows that I know now so I don’t know what he’ll do and I’m kinda scared of him.  I’ve told other people so at least now my family and friends are on the lookout and they never leave me by myself anymore.

Sorry for these long messages. I just have a lot to say but it’s hard for me to say it aloud. My thoughts are clearer when I write them so I can see it.

Thank you so much,



This is the letter I wrote the following day on April 17, 2014. I am sick of being underestimated and insulted. I do not and will not just accept being mistreated. I’ve exposed him to mental health professionals and we’re now working to do the same with the law. If everything goes as planned I’ll have a restraining order against him by the end of this week. Now, when the rest of my community finds out they’ll be more inclined to believe me because I already have backup. It is astonishing to me how the fact that I could have Asperger’s Syndrome has probably made everything so easy for him. I mean this is like an example of a psychological worst case scenario; someone with Autism Spectrum Disorder with someone who is a Narcissistic Psychopath, good Lord!

Now that I have figured it all out…the world is about to change. 🙂

Road to Recovery

“Hi Dr. Bradbury,

My name is Typhani Roberson. I am not sure if I have contacted the the right person as I could find a photograph of you but, I believe I was a former student of yours while I was attending Mercer University. If I am correct then I know you as Dr. B 🙂

Dr. Bradbury I am having a bit of trouble understanding ME. I have always noticed that people treat me differently and they tend to just leave me alone and I never questioned it before because I was actually glad about it. I prefer to be alone unless I am around people that I know. It takes me forever to warmup to people and most times I never do. I have a strong feeling that this is way more than me just being shy because I am scared/nervous/anxious about going to places like the grocery store, Walmart, the mall, or really just anywhere in public. When I do go to places like these I can not go alone and I’ve noticed that people stare at me. When I ask my family why people always stare at me they say it’s because I’m pretty. I do think I am pretty but this is a totally different kind of stare. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Also, I don’t talk like the people around me. I’m not trying to be mean but I always have to “dumb-it-down” when I talk to people. At first, I thought it was just that I am always very proper but that’s not it. My vocabulary is…different. I have to give definitions of the words I use because others don’t know what the words mean or because they’ve never heard them before. Most times they tell me that I use words that they haven’t heard of in a while or words that are only found in books. Go figure! These words seem normal to me and I thought they were words that everybody used.

My mom tells me that when I was two I would say mischievous monkey rather than Curious George then she’ll followup by saying those people thought something was wrong with you and we’d laugh. When I ask her who were “those people” she ignores the question. I’m starting to think they were doctors but I am confused as to why she won’t just say that.

Then, I have people tell me that I have an attitude problem or an anger problem. There may be some truth to this. I get frustrated when I have to explain every little thing because people seem to have a limited vocabulary or I have to constantly explain that I am not saying things to be mean. I’m just being honest! it seems like I am expected to sugarcoat my opinions like everybody else but I don’t like that at all. So rather than use euphemisms or lie, I’ve learned that i am better off just being silent. Sheesh!

I get frustrated when my roommates (sister and her girlfriend) bring or allow people that are estranged to me to come over. When this happens I go to my room and stay there until the “others” leave. It would be better if they told me who was coming over beforehand but this does kind of seem unfair because this is their home too. What bothers me the most is when people lie. I abhor lying. I have been trying to explain to people that I am not a good liar and that I don’t get clues or hints very well. I’ve learned to combat this by not really trusting or believing anyone at least not until I have other evidence.


I pick up on a lot of things or slick comments people make because they do it in front of me. For whatever reason, I believe some people think that I am unaware. Because of this I know a lot of secrets that other don’t realize I know. I am not absolutely certain but I believe this is due to the fact that most times I do not react “accordingly”. I just don’t care. I’ve been trying to figure out if they’re over-the-top or if I am lacking. The common sentiment I hear is “Typhani, you never care or you always say I don’t care”. I’m not trying to be callous or mean I just really don’t care. This makes me feel so strange because I can see that other people are emotive and I am not.

There’s just so many things that are different about me. I know everybody says they are different but I am different. Even I think that I am odd. I mean I kinda like it actually but, I’m starting to feel hindered. I can’t get a job away from home because I don’t do strangers. I don’t think I would work well with the public because they think I’m weird and I think they’re weird so I just don’t feel like I connect with people. I have no friends except for those I’ve made through my siblings. I prefer to do things on my own and that’s just not conducive to today’s public work environment. I’m scared to work away from home. I’m scared to learn to drive. I’m 27 and my friends and family who are younger than me are doing these things with ease. Because of this people think I am lazy. I am not lazy! I have no problem working hard…I just can’t do it in public. Even still, I need money to make a living.

I think my family or my mom may know something is off about me but no one will tell me. Ignorance is not bliss for me. It is not making sense to me that I can be so smart but I am unsuccessful. I’m like the smartest person I know but I have trouble finishing school. I have trouble keeping jobs. I am so far in debt that it’s crazy. I am like a conman target or something because horrible things keep happening to me. I have been schemed multiple times with fake checks and guys who use me for money then just leave. I have been sexually molested by a lot of different men and boys up until I was ten. Most of them I’ve never told anyone about but I really didn’t and don’t get why the same bad things kept happening to me. I sometimes feel like a bad person magnet or something. I understand that a lot of people use me but a lot of times I don’t care about that either.

Dr. Bradbury, things are not adding up and I don’t see why anyone would expect me to not know that there is something awry. I want to know what is going on. What do I do? I don’t have money to pay for counseling and I don’t drive but I’m sure I could get someone to take me wherever I need to go. Do you know what I should do? I know I need some help because I’ve always been battling depression along with everything else but recently I felt my absolute lowest and I had some pretty bad ideas pop into my head. I think there is something wrong with me and I know enough to know that I need help but I don’t know where to start. Any advice you could give me would really help because right now it feels like no one is listening to my concerns. They don’t realize that this is a big deal to me.

Sorry for the long message. I tend to do that. You can call me if you like. I don’t think I’m too shabby on the phone.”

I wrote this letter 4 days ago and the feedback I’ve been receiving has opened my eyes. Now the past and the present make sense. My family is on board and now we’re trying to gather the necessary resources to help me get a formal diagnosis (it just costs so dang much!). I’m really excited and I am so ready to start therapy…the sooner the better. I feel like everything is going to be okay now. Just yesterday, I told myself that if my diagnosis turns out to be what I think it is, I’m giving myself a diet cheat by having a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen and going to the Georgia Aquarium. Today I’m thinking I’ll have a Peanut Buster Parfait and go to the Georgia Aquarium regardless because I’ve already got it right by reaching out for help and being able to tell people about my issues.

In closing, let me just point out how hilarious it is that my tagline has always been “All the world’s awesomeness in a nutshell”. Get it…”nut” shell? Ahahaha! I know I’m quirky but don’t everyone laugh at once. 🙂

My Aspie Struggle

The bulk of the concern about learning disabilities is focused towards those of us who may not “get it” as fast as others but there should be something to be said about those of us who “get it” much faster than others as well. I say this because it fosters a lack of interest and boredom when you’re forced to basically wait for everybody else while the instructor continues to explain the same topic for 20 minutes. The teacher is doing the right thing because he/she is just trying to drive the idea home but in the mean time I’ve already rounded all the bases and I’m ready to bat again.

Then a really interesting dynamic starts to play out; the instructor and student develop an unspoken understanding that the student should “dial it back” so his/her peers can have a chance. You start to notice that the teacher will scan around the classroom after asking a question and only after it is clear that no one else has an answer will the instructor call on you. So you learn to do the same thing and you become reluctant to answer questions that you know the answers to.

That leads to resentment from peers because other children tend to see this as favoritism (even though you’ve been moved to the back of the classroom just so no one else can see your paper). So you try to put your peers at ease by helping/tutoring them and for the most part this actually works. But now, you notice the instructor feels some kind of way because students are coming to you for help first. This leads to questions being raised about cheating or whether or not you’ve taken the class before. Now you back away from helping your peers and they incorrectly judge you as being “stuck up” which leads to isolation.

Do you see what I’m saying? It’s all a trickle down effect that only stunts growth rather than encouraging it. Systems seem so quick to hold back and reluctant to move forward so you just get stuck somewhere in the middle. Learning is a spectrum! While outliers that fall below the norm call for extra attention (i.e, different teaching methodologies), I think it would be beneficial if outliers at the other end of the spectrum received extra attention too.

Hell, wouldn’t you rather just stay at home and watch tv/play video games as opposed to getting up at the butt-crack of dawn just to go to school and be bored all day? Hahaha, I’m just saying…maybe we should kick it up a notch.

All the world's awesomeness in a nutshell.


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Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

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